It was a rainy day this morning. People asking if we are ever going to have a summer this year with one woman saying “we only have July and August left. I try to gently remind them that summer doesn’t even begin until June 21^st. The weather does bring lots of conversations and becomes the reason for so many different choices. I just had to get away…it was so cold. We installed central air conditioning… it was so hot. The economy may limit some of our choices now but still, the ever changing and unpredictable weather of New England provides many a reason and/or excuse for some of the choices we make and for many of the conversations we have. Like one of my first conversations with a customer this morning.

She was a young white woman. She and her young daughter walked into the store shortly after we opened. I greeted them both with a good morning. The mom was engaged, up-beat and without a doubt, on a mission. Her young daughter, probably no more than eight or nine years old, was a little slower and looked as if perhaps she was just really waking up...the way a lot of kids look early on a weekend morning. The mother asked if we had any rain gear…specifically ponchos. She went onto explain how they were walking against childhood cancer for Tufts New England Medical Center, which I already knew was also known as Boston Floating Hospital for Children. She introduced me to her daughter and said how she had been fighting cancer for the last five years…that the Tufts New England Medical Center was their hospital and that they wanted to give back.

I knew that feeling well. Both my son and daughter had been patients at what I always called Boston Floating. Remembering my own children, I looked at the little girl and just want to hug her. Sometimes people questioned why not Children’s Hospital…it’s the best they would sometimes say to which I would always respond “not for us”. Floating was a blessing to us. The people there did so much for my children, their father and myself…more than just the medical care that was so crucial to their living, growing and becoming the wonderful adult man and woman they are today. They treated us as a family, taught me how to advocate for my children and walked with us through many a “touch and go” moment. My son who is now 39 and my daughter who is now 34 still, in spite of the medical trauma they experienced, remember the hospital with a fondness.

Now I was on a mission…where were those ponchos. We found them and the woman and daughter bought everyone of them…about 16 in all. They wanted to make sure there were extras in case some of the other walkers didn’t have any. I thanked them for the sale and for their walking and wished them break through of the sun. Shortly after they left a black woman walked in. She too was engaged, up-beat and without a doubt, on a mission. “Do you have any raingear” she asked and I turned to her and asked “Are you walking for Floating today?”. She smiled and said “Yes…I just wanted to pick a few up in case there were some walkers that needed them.” I smiled too and told her that a woman and her daughter from the walk had just bought all we had. We laughed. I thanked her for walking and wished her an early breakthrough of the sun. As she left to walk the seven miles in the rain, my wish for the sun, while nice, wasn’t necessary…the three of them were already brightly shining.

The store is a little more tense these days. New management and a new district brings with it new and unfamiliar ways and rules to both the front line staff and the customers who come in each day. Like most everyone else, the economy has had a difficult impact on each of us and has supposedly demanded that hours be cut. The people I work with work hard and the pay is really not enough to survive on...having hours cut makes that even more difficult. We all walk with the knowledge that corporate has the "upper hand" right now...and can get away with more than normal in their treatment of staff.

Still...it is the customers that make it more than just a job for me. Yes, I constantly have my eyes open for a job that will pay more and be less physically demanding for my aging and somewhat wounded body. But I want one that will also bring these "moments of intimacy" I so cherish and learn and grow from. Like today...a young, white woman, came to my register. While she looked somewhat reserved, she also felt quite up-beat. She followed several parent/child customers who had purchased special items for a school field day or just for the end of school in general. All the kids seemed lighter than usual today...summer is coming and with it perhaps expectations of less pressure. They didn't even look as tired this morning as they have on other days. I hope some at least are feeling this...it has been a tough year and, depending on your politics, a wonderful year...but no matter what, the kids get the trickle down effect in ways I think adults can and do easily deny.

Anyhow, when this young woman reached my register she was carrying with her 12 notebooks...the "composition" kind that many of us may be familiar with from our own days in school or journal writing or trying to organize one thing or another. Smiling, I said to her that she was either going to do a lot of writing or she was giving out an assignment to her students to keep a journal over the summer. She smiled and said I was partially correct...the composition notebooks were for her 8th and 9th grade students who she would be going to Rhawanda with this sumer. A "wow" came out of my mouth...a "wow" because I thought how awesome and a "wow" because I am continued to be amazed and awed at the people who come before me each morning...who they are and what they do. She said she wanted to help them prepare a notebook so that they would be ready to start recording their memories of the trip, which will be for three weeks and will start a few weeks after school gets out. She began to get so excited about what awaited them...it would be her first trip to Rhawanda also, although not her first trip chaperoning students to other places in the world. I told her to take lots of pictures and then, have them developed at the store so I could see them. She smiled and said OK and waved good-bye and once again I felt gratitude for being allowed into the life of another...her pending adventure...and the different paths each of us walk. Her trip lingered in my mind a bit as I imagined her and the twelve students getting ready to board the plane...the parents letting them go...the combination of anxiety and excitement playing out individually in each of them...the time difference...the land difference...the cultural difference and the many ways it could, however differently, impact each of them for the rest of their lives. May they each be blessed with openness!

Today is really beautiful...it's about 70 and the sky is a brilliant blue. There is a beautiful breeze blowing air full of a wonderful freshness that I so love.  My windows are open wide...it is like bathing my living space in a way that money and elbow grease, however good, cannot match.  I worked both yesterday and today.  It is such a wonder sharing these moments from so many different people that live, work or visit this urban community store.  Yesterday was Dorchester Day and everyone was wishing everyone a "Happy Dorchester Day" or planning strategies to avoid the traffic and crowds.  Some either didn't know it was happening or forgot and were so grateful for the reminder.  There is a big parade each year on this day and they close down all of Dorchester Avenue.  As I learned one year, if you are not part of the day then you certainly don't want to get caught in it...which is to say you don't want to be on the side of "Dot" Ave. that isn't the side you live on or it will take you hours to get home.  

This morning our Governor stopped in to pick up some odds and ends.  He has been in other times too and seems like a very nice man ... positive energy, which is how I sense people.  I didn't quiz him this morning about the budget or the corruption but instead, we just had some pleasant conversation.  Other folks came in as the morning progressed...we have a large elderly population that lives within walking distance and they visit often.  I imagine the people who come to this store are like a microcosm of our country.  I am impressed with their stamina, determination and attitude in general ... from the very young to the very old they are so responsive to a "good morning" or "I hope your day goes well".  They share so much in these moments at the register...I feel blessed, honored and enriched for the interactions.  Perhaps the best way to share what I mean is to write about an interaction with two customers three weeks ago.

The first was a white man...he had come in before but this morning he just didn't feel right to me...his energy seemed heavy...sad.  I asked how he was doing and, at first he said fine.  As the transaction continued his energy just seemed to get heavier and heavier and I said that I hoped everything was okay.  He looked at me and said that his wife had just died from cancer two days ago...they didn't expect it...she was doing so well.  We talked and even touched each others hands.  When he left he thanked me and I wished him support and healing.  We both had tears in our eyes.

Two customers later a black man walked up to the register.  He had a big smile and enough cleaning supplies to clean a castle.  His energy was excited...happy...expecting and I said "wow, looks like you got some work ahead of you."  He laughed out loud and said "Yea...I am planning on asking my girlfriend to marry me this weekend and I want everything to be perfect".  I melted...it was so sweet...I don't think I every quite pictured a guy cleaning up his place in order to ask his girlfriend to marry him.  We laughed and again, touched hands.  As he left I said that I couldn't imagine her saying anything but yes and wished him much happiness, health and peace.  He thanked me for asking and left saying how he had to get to work!

For a brief moment there were no customers and I thought...that is it...that is why I enjoy this job so much...right here before me...each morning that I am here...the whole cycle of life is presented and I have the honor and privilege not only to witness it but, when allowed, participate in it as well.  The pay, management and corporation may, to be nice, leave things to be desired...but the people...oh the people... in their woundedness...and in their joy... and in their everything in between...keep teaching me each day lessons I didn't even know I needed to learn.     

When I put the rubbish out this morning I noticed this little pansy that had grown and blossomed on the cement stairs.  I thought to myself how incredible...how against all odds...how if I had tried to grow flowers there I doubt that I would have been successful...how sometimes...even when you don't know it...nurturing and love is given and received and ultimately growth happens.  It made me think of my life and many of the lives I have witnessed and how early on in my own healing and recovery process my dear, dear friend Alice gave me a paper weight that just said "Bloom where YOU are planted".  Initially I didn't understand, but with time, love and support started to see some of my blossoms.  Sometimes people would refer to me as a "late bloomer".  As more time passed I realized that I wasn't really a "late bloomer" but that it was hard to bloom in a recognizable sense when you are trying to just survive one day to the next.  As I took in this thought, I wondered if maybe there was no such thing as a "late bloomer" but instead, there were only gardeners that fail to recognize and nurture the growth, blossoms and potential in each plant and tree.   Today, after many years of therapy and recovery and after receiving my 25 year medallion last night, I feel both the beauty and strength of the little pansy above and of the flower below, which was also growing in my yard this morning.  I know that I am both flowers as are each of you. We all have and do have obstacles to navigate and work around.  We all all wounded and in need of healing.   We all are blooming, however differently.  Without a doubt however, my ability to grow, blossom and mature came from accepting where I was planted...changing the ways it had limited me...and embracing that it is all a part of who I am.   Both flowers our equally beautiful to me and, for lack of another word or phrase, mind boggling.  I feel so appreciative for all the gardeners who saw my blossoms and beauty long before I even knew I had any.  May each of us be blessed with the gift to see the blossoms, beauty and strength in others as well.

Today is pretty special to me...it is my 25th anniversary of sobriety.  Twenty five years sober...so much has happened...so many people to be grateful for and to...a day at a time my work continues but I never could have imagined feeling like this and being in this place of acceptance and hope. That's not to say that things don't get rough...they do...but the one thing I do know is that I don't ever have to use alcohol again and that is really incredible.  Thank you to all!